Forgive

One of the biggest lessons I've learned this summer is to forgive. I have forgiven myself so many times this summer it's hard to imagine there is anything left. I have forgiven my husband and my son and my dogs and my body and my heart and I am trying very hard to forgive my father, the hardest task yet. That's a whole novel, so we won't get into it here. Shannon taught me another lesson, a little too late into the summer but still well-intentioned. There are times in your life when you simply need to LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS of yourself. And that is exactly what I'm going to do. Next week is the very last week of summer and I am going to wholeheartedly lower my expectations of myself. I am instead going to play, swim, run, get dirty, bake and write with Jake and I'm going to remember this last week forever and I hope he does too. I forgive all those moms scrambling to find daycare this last week of the summer and I hope they forgive me since I don't have to scramble. I forgive myself for the belly that I'm pretty sure is never going away and I forgive myself for the dirty floor in my kitchen and the lawn left unwatered and unmowed. I forgive myself for spending wasted money on magazines and I forgive myself for not mopping the floor but blogging instead. This last week of summer, even if it doesn't mean anything because you don't have kiddos going back to school, go indulge yourself and then forgive your actions and forgive one person you have been begrudging, pissed or angry at about something you know is entirely out-of-line. Then when all that's done, go forgive the earth for not being able to withstand the weight of our horribly unforgiving manner of treating it, and do something good for it . . .the earth that is.

A Pattern

I've just returned from a decadent and wonderful visit to the town my son was born in, Ft. Worth. Ft. Worth is a lovely little place with some nice yoga opportunities plus tons of fine museums. We were there to honor and memorialize my father-in-law, a man who has left a wealthy legacy of love and respect through his sons and daughter. This is a wonderful bunch of people, full of love and laughter and most important, a deep dedication to family. While there, we went out to my father-in-law's grave site. Tradition grants that we bring stones from my mother-in-law's garden to place around the gravestone. Each member of the family places a stone while a brother reads the Kaddish, a Jewish prayer. While standing there, our nephew pointed out a small rainbow in the sky. This was not a normal rainbow that spans the horizon, just a square blot of rainbow peaking out of the heavens. I immediately felt that Jay, my father-in-law, was watching us, proud of his family gathering to honor him. Later, our nephew told the story of how he had asked his grandfather to just show us a sign that he was there with us and when he looked up, there was the sign, that spot of rainbow. Incredible. It truly resonates of "ask and you shall receive". I think it's nice to imagine that those we have loved and lost are there with us always, watching over us, showing us signs that they are here with us, in our hearts, leading the way through good times and bad. Namaste.

Focus

In the last weeks of school there were many events planned to occupy the children and also fingerprint memories on their sweet little brains that would never be forgotten. All the innocence of Kindergarten captured before heading straight into the hammer of 1st grade. I was just about to leave after watching the children smear shaving cream all over themselves and each other when the local fire truck pulled up to the school. They proceeded to hookup to the nearby fire hydrant and shoot a gargantuan stream of water all over the play area nearby. The children ran in one massive throng of movement. I've never seen anything like it. My special little one was incredibly focused. He would watch and run right with the water. I was in a state of rapture, my heart bursting, wishing I wasn't the grownup holding the camera, wanting so much to run with them through the water. What does this have to do with yoga? Everything. It should be the essence of our existence. Focus on Now. On that day, at that moment, everything was about where will the fireman point the hose next and what do I need to do to stay at the place where the water continues to hit me directly and only me. Focus on the now, live in the moment, appreciate the experience that is happening here . . .the textures, the smells, the colors, the people. Meditate on a bird perched on a post as you sit at a stoplight. Find the beauty in traffic, the silent mysteries of our cement wonderland. Ponder this life, this world as it is right Now. Namaste.

Pray

I'm currently, finally, reading "Eat, Pray, Love". Thank you Elizabeth Gilbert for sharing your depths and your heights and everything surrounding it. She's an ordinary woman who had the opportunity to do something extraordinary and then write about. It would be very unyogi to say, "I'm jealous" but I'm a little jealous. I've made it through Italy with her and she's most hilarious during her time at an Ashram in India. It is warming to know that we are not alone in our desperate attempts at meditation as she reminisces explaining to an Indian Monk that she is incapable of tackling her mind to hold still . . .the Indian Monk says, "It's a pity you're the only person in the history of the world who ever had this problem." Every time I settle down to meditate I find my own mind wandering to last night, last week, tomorrow, next week, and horrifyingly, to next Christmas. Why is it so difficult to stay right here, right now, in the present. This wonderful present called "today". So, today, with Elizabeth Gilbert in mind and all those who are trying now and have tried before and succeeded or failed, I will try right now to settle my monkey mind and focus on the NOW. I would like to share a thought from this book that shook me to the core, something that the writer's Guru said--"you should never give yourself a chance to fall apart because, when you do, it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. You must practice staying strong instead." Amen and Namaste.

Hello

It's been awhile, but I guess the first step to this is to just say "hello". I've had a lot of random thoughts recently and I'm working my way back to a yogic state of mind. I went through some stress in my life dealing with major surgery in the family but we are slowly finding our way back to a peaceful state of mind and it starts . . .right . . .here. In brief, I wanted to take a moment to share with you a thought I had while pondering our involvement in Iraq. Our very long involvement with Iraq. During the time you take everyday to center your thoughts before or after your physical yoga practice, please consider for a few minutes the concept of "peace". Imagine a world where there is no war. Thank you John! Picture a world where we no longer fight for oil, our own earth's blood. Imagine a time when this world was so primitive that there was nothing. I was fortunate to come upon a documentary about how Earth began last night. It was amazing. Our world is a hot ball of fire covered by a crust and it all started with a simple microorganism. The history of how it all started is so much more interesting than anything that came after those first moments in time. We live an existence based on the sheer luck of all things being perfectly aligned in the universe. And our very existence, mankind's existence, has created so much turmoil on this beautiful planet. Let's just stop. Literally. Today, reverse the massive movement of destruction by mankind. You . . .make. . .a difference with everything you do. And, it isn't just about recycling and reusing. It's about a thought process. Replace fear with love, replace judgement with appreciation, and replace hate with grace. Take a moment, today, and realize the power of your thoughts and then THINK PEACE. PEACE. PEACE. PEACE. IMAGINE PEACE. CREATE PEACE. Let's start a revolution against war, today, with a simple thought. PEACE. namaste.

Recycling Day

Today is recycling day in our neighborhood. It wasn't but a few days ago that my son came home and announced that we "had to start recycling". I explained to him that I had been recycling for some time, actually much longer than his sweet presence existed in this world. He was so excited and wanted to know when the truck came and if he could stay home to watch it. These conversations always lead me to wonder about what will happen to this beautiful accident of a planet we call Earth in the years to come. What will life be like for our children? What will be so different in their lives? We certainly weren't being taught about recycling when I was in school. It's baffling and wondrous and so sci-fi to imagine what secrets the world is conspiring for these kids who are being brought up so much more aware and really, so much more handy. What do you think?

I'm back up and running with my yoga practice, doing Kundalini this morning. I've decided that I have to work some running and abdominal exercises into the program. Yoga is perfect for me, but it cannot always give my body everything it needs. I recently checked out an article in Yoga Journal that interviewed different well-known yogis and consistently, many said that adding an aerobic workout was essential. Working on a good vinyasa flow or kundalini routine can get your heart rate up, but never for a long enough period of time. Speaking of vinyasa flow, I found out today that there are some new videos out by some of my old favorite yogis. My pocketbook is already wincing, but like cookbooks for my husband, and chocolates for my son, I can never have too many yoga videos. I'll keep you updated on my new acquisitions.

The way that will relieve your woes on the physical plane will also take you to the highest spiritual realizations. And the way is simple. No resistance.

Thaddeus Golas
The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment

Blessings

I've been busy getting my life back under control and getting my practice back underway and getting my vice in check. It's slow, but good. I was able to do some kundalini with Gurmukh this morning and have committed to doing 3 days of 1.5 hour yoga sessions this week. This is huge. When I'm able to invest that amount of time towards a slow warm-up, a lengthy, strong set of sun salutations and finally a nice long set of floor asanas, backbends and finally savasana, laying on my back, completely relaxed, at peace, mind empty, (nearly falling asleep), life is good. When I make this commitment I am excited to say that I spend my time with Shiva Rea. Her spiritual wisdom and steady, calm voice keep me coming back for more every time. My favorite is Upavistha Konasana. Sitting on the floor, legs spread wide, stretched long, backs of legs pressed to the floor, leaning forward, catching the big toes and bringing your head, then chin, then chest to the floor, breathe and relax. Then, inhaling and raising your body up, you can reach to either side, ribs against your thighs, resting your chin on each knee (or try to). This is an awesome forward and side stretch (asana) and is very relaxing. It's important to breath into every stretch and maintain deep, slow breathing, relax, check yourself, ensure that no part of your body is clinched tight, (holding on to that bad moment you had earlier in the day). This asana is said to stimulate the ovaries and keep the blood flowing in the pelvic region, so we should all love it.

On a more spiritual note, I was ending my evening last night reading my nightly dose of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel, Ph.D. In a nutshell, this book combines jewish teachings with directions on how to raise self-reliant, compassionate, ethical children. According to this book, Jewish tradition encourages adults to say 100 blessings of gratitude a day. Observant Jews start from the moment they awaken and they do not overlook the bad things. They see these as a test of thier spiritual elevation. I immediately set forth counting my blessings and believe me, I have many. As simple as the squirrel that was right outside my door this morning, looking in at us, to the wondrous creation of my beautiful child, to the food and warmth that is so easily attainable in my world. What are you thankful for? Let it be Thanksgiving every day.